this week has been really a terrible week at work..it wasn't busy..but well..things have not been smooth for me at all..not only at work..everywhere..from family..to love..to work..everything's in a total mess again..perhaps its just me ba..that i dunno how to handle things and stress..that's why things i always screw things up..hurting myself..and my loved ones together with those who love me..
yesterday..received this big big bomb from our Cosmos tour operator--S****c (wat's the operator name..for my colleagues..you should know..those not in this line..try guessing!) they confirmed the tour for my passenger less than a week ago..and told me to send payment down in exchange of tour vouchers and documents..suddenly they have the guts to email me and tell me that the tour is withdrawn..! wtf! somemore..i had call the day before to chase for my documents..they even told me it was ready for collection next week!!!
a bunch of idiots and bitches!!!!!!!
then there's april from another sub agent..gotta do 37 passports for usa visa..the agreement between the 2 agencies is that we will accept 25 passports for a service fee of $150..she's really pushing her luck..really..i already pro-rated the service fee for all the 37 passports..now she wants another few to be on the same rate..ridiculous!!! no way am i going to give in to her..!
then saw zeyi on msn..realised he didn't want to talk to me..so i started a conversation..never did i realise that it would be the one that ended our relationship..had i known earlier..i would not have disturbed him at all..at least we would still have been together..although its really no difference..since we were quarreling like forever..
he said..perhaps it was time for us to step back and consider if there is true love in this relationship..wat does that mean? he had been with me out of obligation?? he didn't love me already..and was hanging on..? i really don't know..he said that he said the wrong thing..it was supposed to have read "to reconsider how to make this relationship last"..but can i believe u?
he also said..that being with me had been tough..because of my short fused temper..it had been a heavy load in his chest..since its had been like this..why don't you say it out in the first place?? you knew all the while that my temper had been bad..people had warned you that i'm difficult and tough..since you chose to accept me in the first place..y wun u hold on to your decision to the end..i'd rather that we did not even begin than to have it end this way..really..it just hurts..so much..so much..you knew all the time that yes..although i have a bad temper..i blow up at the slightest issues..but i also simmer down super fast..this you should know de..but why do you have to blow up at me..even though you jolly well know that i do not mean it???
you also always say that i like to victimise myself..but do i really appear like this to you?? am i really such a gal that likes to be sympathised on?? to be pitied on??
well then..since we have chosen the path of a breakup..then its also good for you right..finally this heavy load has been taken off your chest..finally you are set free..from my evil clutches..
although this is the path that we will be going..i know i have to go through all these..myself..and i know i have brought these upon myself..but well..why do i still think of the happy, good old times that we shared..remember the genting trip?? the cool cool weather..the theme park.. the pizza hut..the levi shop..the cable car..the "shan yao" shopping..the return coach ride..everything everything..that was so sweet in the past..now only brings pain thinking about them..
at the same time..further back..there was also the time that we went to watch fireworks..i don't even know if you still remember? we went to marina south for the day..spent the day there..taking a ferry ride over from the ferry terminal..the fireworks were so nice..really..and it was such a wonderful time then..
and remember the first we went to east coast park for sunrise..recalling the first time we met..spent the night at khatib..having breakfast..chatting..cos i couldn't go home then..in the middle of the night..after kin's birthday celebration..but guess it all doesn't mean anything to you anymore..all the memories..i held on so dearly..suddenly doesn't seem to have any significance anymore..
you always ask me for reasons..for explanations for every action that i do..but don't you know that my memory is really short?? i have learnt from my childhood to only remember the good times..things..but to forget the unhappiness..but why must you make me remember and think about all of those..why..
